I experienced utter joy upon receiving a legal fellowship position with International Justice Mission.  I’ve dreamed of working with IJM for over a decade and have been telling people for years that someday I would likely live in South Asia.

However, a couple weeks ago, I hit a fear slump.  The reality that I’m going to be uprooting my life and moving to the other side of the world by myself (and with God) really sunk in.

I want to be vulnerable and transparent in this IJM journey, and also to process things,so I’m listing the top fears that have come up.  God-willing these fears won’t come true, but here they are in no particular order:

  • That I’m crazy for giving up a well-paying job I love
  • That I’ll be lonely
  • That I wont make friends or find community
  • That I should be married by now and raising a family instead of doing this
  • That I’ll be physically harmed abroad
  • That I wont be capable of the work assigned
  • That I wont raise the money I need
  • That people back home will forget me
  • That I will get homesick
  • That I will get physically sick
  • That I won’t find a job when I’m done with the volunteer year
  • That I wont make it through the volunteer year
  • That I won’t pick up on subtle cross-cultural differences I’ll need to adjust to
  • That I’m just a silly girl going on a big adventure
  • That either I will bring my dog and she’ll get sick and die in India or I will leave her home, miss her, and something will go wrong with her here
  • That I will wind up loving the people I meet in Bangalore and not want to leave

So this is a pretty heavy list, but I know that God is bigger than our fears!  The song “Oceans” by Hillsong United has been a source of comfort and inspiration to me.  One of my favorite lines proclaims:

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

I know that God has a way of turning our fears into growth opportunities and deepening our faith in His love, goodness, and faithfulness. I can’t wait to experience all that lies ahead!

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